I don't really know where to start. So I guess I will start with the most obvious, and for what most people know me by. For at least 20 years I was what would be called Super Morbidly Obese (SMO). Yup, that is me, before and after. Actually I am a little smaller now than that after photo, but I am vain and I think I look good in it, so that is why I chose it! LOL I will say that I was absolutely unaware with how very large I was. I mean I KNEW what I weighed, but, perhaps as an act of self preservation, my mind could just not grasp how very massive I was. Took me til I was mid 40's, a marriage disintegrating, two special needs children who needed me desperately, and rapidly failing health and immobility for me to stir my self to action. I had Gastric Bypass RNY on April 30th, 2010. Before you ask, I wasn't scared, I was desperate. I desperately wanted my life back, I wanted to be able to make love to my husband, I wanted to be able to go get groceries without thinking I was having a heart attack, I wanted to be able to walk to the end of the driveway without being out of breath and needing to sit and take a break, I wanted to be able to participate in my childrens lives. My weight loss surgery did all of those things. It released me. I am guessing, or hoping, that as the days go by, and things happen in my daily life, my story and history will reveal itself, I am more than my weight, so much more. But this seemed as good a spot to start as any. My musings won't always be pretty, or kind. I am very opinionated, but I do try very hard not to be mean. Ultimately, I am human. I WILL piss people off. If I am in the wrong, I will apologize. If not, I won't, and you will just have to suck it up, as we all do. I will be writing of my family, and hopefully friends, with their approval. Successes, failures, struggles (many struggles). I choose the title of this blog because quite often I feel like a duck. Seemingly having all my shit together on the outside, but paddling like hell to survive underneath. And I AM paddling baby, believe that. I believe in positive affirmation immensely, and approaching obstacles in front of me like a juggernaut. Chin to chest, head down, and keep moving forward. Staying still is death. I DO NOT believe that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I believe it can weaken you, if you let it. The band Finger Eleven has a song that I listen to in times of trouble that helps me get through tough times; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUzbiNa-upA Like the song says, I'm not gonna give up yet!
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